white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
