I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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