After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
