Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
