She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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