i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
