final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
