WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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