That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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