Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
