The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
