Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize