I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Found the puke drawer
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
