would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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