she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize