Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
