If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
