oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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