i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
