like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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