May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
When are your genitals available?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize