you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
