i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
