4 words: hood of his car
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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