I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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