Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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