made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
