I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
