Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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