I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
