Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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