I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
