Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
