I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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