I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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