I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize