Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Sorry my hands just texted you
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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