I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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