The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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