My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
