hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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