I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
