I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
