I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
