so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
