i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize