I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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