Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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