i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
