Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
