just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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