You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
