I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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