Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You made out with two different species that night
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize