...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
