If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
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