And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
