Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize