I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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