when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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