Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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