On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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