People in love make me want to vomit
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
