Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
