We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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