Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
