just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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