So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You may now shotgun with the bride
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
