I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize