My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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