Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Randomize
