i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
