Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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