Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
