so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
