dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
