Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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