butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
