I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
