And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize