Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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